Snakes, heights, large crowds, time, public speaking, failure, vulnerability and commitment are only a few things that give me the heeby jeebies. We all learn that once we enter this world there are only two things that are certain; death and taxes. Like us, fears have a life expectancy. We never forget the moment we discover we have the fear and in most cases we will all parish with most of, if not all of our fears. What are your fears? How do you cope/overcome them?
Snakes. I knew I was afraid of snakes right around the age of eight. My family and I were taking a nature walk (something that is very common with us 'country' folks) at Odiorne Point State Park. I was walking ahead of everyone humming to myself, taking in the sun when all of a sudden "YIKESSS!!!!!!!!", I spotted a slithering creature crossing my path. I was OUT OF THERE. I ran so fast that I left my family behind in the dust. It was awful. Soon after my family caught up to me, giggling and teasing, not knowing that my sudden sprint was due to the sight of the scariest, grossest garden snake I had ever seen. Yes, you read correctly, a garden snake. Even my parents couldn't put me at ease of such a wimpy creature. From that day on whenever I mention my fear of snakes my parents remind me of the time I mastered my Forest Gump impression with a nice crisp sprint.
Let's skip through the fear of heights, large crowds, public speaking and jump right to failure, vulnerability, and commitment. Who isn't afraid to fail? This is a big one, especially amongst my peers. You see, being a late 20 something with a college education, living in one of the most expensive cities in the country can be rather daunting. The thought of failing, not making it, selling out and letting people down are common thoughts that I have on a regular basis. Although I try to live my life as if it were a blessing, it's difficult to stay focused on what is most important; the process. I might be at point A and my goal/dream is at point Z but without going through the rest of the alphabet first, no matter how long it might take, I'll compromise myself from learning and experiencing the meat and potatoes of what makes my goal/dream significant. How's that for analogies. Bottom line, we all have the fear of failing and it might never go away. The best thing we can do is to remind ourselves that through our passions and energy we will create our own destinies.
Vulnerability. Well, this is a bit complex. To sum this up I'd say that I have a fear of becoming completely vulnerable to people. I recognize that I am an open, compassionate, trustworthy, and loving person. Why would I have trouble being vulnerable? I think the 'L' word has something to do with that. And no, I am not referring to the L.A. lesbian drama series on HBO. I don't have trust issues, or intimacy issues, those are never a problem. I think the trouble is being completely exposed to someone, giving myself emotionally, and letting go. I have no problem having others feel like themselves around me but for whatever reason I have a hard time feeling myself 100% around other people.
And then there is commitment. Disclaimer: I am a very loyal, trustworthy mate. I have never cheated, nor lead anyone on with the exception of maybe one or two gentleman friends in High School (but that was High School so it doesn't count). I think this fear has something to do with the fact that I am picky. Not only that but I usually tend to have a high guard when it comes to committing to a relationship. It's kind of funny to think about. I have no trouble being committed to other things such as jobs, friends, making plans and setting goals but when it comes to the interest in the opposite sex I clam up. Why is that? Here is my analysis. I was a late bloomer in the whole dating scene. I never dated much before college and in terms of sex, I lost my 'v' card at the age of 23 when a lot of my peers were going at it like rabbits anywhere between the ages 14-19. On top of it all I was never someone to throw around the four letter word, starting with the letter L and ending in E. I've actually only said it to one other person (aside from family members/friends) and that doesn't even count because it was my best friend and in the form of a letter. I've felt it more than once but never got the courage to admit it to the other person. So, what gives? I don't really have any answers to why I have a fear with being vulnerable. Call me old fashion, call me crazy. I think I'll know the solution when I see it, or more so, feel it.
To end this rant for now I will leave you with this. The best part about fearing something is that there is hope that someday/somehow you can overcome them. You can work on it because the outcome will be rewarding and beneficial to self-growth and your enjoyment in life and all its other challenges.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment